Pages 26-29: July 6th, 2025
Now I’m good at leaving someone on read once. Twice? Forget about it. He got me.
I typed back.
One phone call where you said you wanted to see me once a week and other people
Is that what I said
Yeah
I don’t remember that I thought we agreed to slow down I was under the impression it would help communication
I paused.
I to think we should keep seeing each other
Ok enjoy Ojai
He knew because he watched my instagram story which I of course posted so that he could see I was in Ojai. Living my best life without him.
The iced tea I ordered was sweating so much that the table was covered in water. I’d forgotten to drink it. Ignoring the sensations and temptations around me. The only temptation was him. Everything else faded.
I left the iced tea sitting there, full, as I packed up my tote bag and started walking. I didn’t have anywhere in mind.
I made it to a patch of grass. It looked like an abandoned plot of land. There was a large rock. I sat on it before I called him.
Hi
Hi
What’s up
You called me
Oh right
Well I was a little sassy I didn’t need to say that
Okay
I just felt like you wanted to have your cake and eat it too
What how
Like you want to see other people
When did I say that
You said you can’t commit to any one person right now
Also you changed your hinge? I wish I had said that. But at that point we’d moved on to bigger issues.
I just wanted to slow down we’re moving really fast I’m not seeing anyone else
Oh
Yeah
We talked the rest of my drive back to LA. Like nothing ever happened. We agreed to see each other that night.
Coming back to his apartment felt like coming home. I opened the door to his apartment. There are staircases leading up to the main area. He stood at the top of the staircase looking down at me. I can only describe it as the indescribable. When you look at someone and everything comes flooding back to you like a wave of emotions and you never got out of the water.
Maybe it was naive to think we could communicate with just a look after two months. But in that moment, it felt like we were speaking our own language.
Now, in my moments alone, I question what was real. I still feel a tingle in my body thinking about his eyes locked on mine. Regardless of him, it was real to me and that’s all that really matters. I’d rather be someone who lives in reality.
We spent the next 4 days together. Every night he wanted to see me. It was like he couldn’t get enough of me. And I for sure couldn’t get enough of him.
One morning I was working out at Equinox which I have to admit I love because you can have your phone in class. Only at equinox.
His name appeared on my screen only an hour after I said goodbye to him in the morning.
Wow
What
Everything
When are you gonna allow yourself to fall for me
It’s getting harder not to
Would you have believed him too?
I walked into his apartment that fourth night. He looked at me like I was a drug he was addicted to.
I fell into him like I always did. He pulled back.
What
I said concerned.
What’re we doing
What do you mean
I like you
I like you too
So what’re we gonna do about it
I don’t know
Should we date
What
I don’t want to see other people
Okay
So exclusive
Okay
Do you want to
Yeah do you
Yeah
Okay
Okay
He made all the calls. He was the pilot. I was in economy. From that moment forward, he was driving the plane. Eventually, driving it into the ground completely with me stuck in the back, while he parachuted out.